I very much enjoy doing pre-marital counseling with couples. It’s a special privilege to be invited into a relationship like that and a real honor to help folks in such a big transition. During this counseling, I always have couples work through a “love-languages” exercise where they, individually, prioritize a list of 8 different options based on their preferences and personality. They also have to “guess” how their fiancé will order and prioritize the same list. In 2o years of pre-marital counseling, I think I have only had one couple who guessed the other’s answers correctly. 99.9% of the time couples get it wrong. This exercise and discovery are always rather unsettling to couples, but I always assure them that everyone does this and that this is exactly why pre-marital counseling is important! The error that everybody makes is to assume that the person they love (and want to marry) loves like they love. Of course, we know they don’t love exactly like we love, but still, we assume that it must be pretty close. This isn’t exclusively a marital dynamic. As human beings, we just have a tendency to assume that others think, love, evaluate, and see things just like we do.